The Clock Reads: "Thought Release"

Well here I am once again (I think that's the start too a pop song, oh well) when I should be writing a paper or doing my philosophy reading, instead I am glued to my (well Lance's) Computer trying to get out the vast immensity of thoughts I have flying around my head. For sanity's sake, if not yours, I'll try to keep this brief. Camp has been amazing (forgive me for not posting previously). Rec Staff is perfect, aside from the inability to touch the lives of campers directly. I have just enough time at night and with my day off to finish my homework, but now I'm trying to get ahead so that I can counsel for Junior High and for Teen Camp. I think it might be doable, but we shall see. Back to the topic at hand. I've been thinking a lot about the future, about where God wants me, about other such future things, and about my role at camp, and about this summer class. While I do think that taking this class will be useful, I struggle almost daily with the fact that it takes away from my ability to hang out with the staff and campers. I am a relational person posing as a thinker, and although I love thinking and reading, I crave human interaction and influence. Do I really need the schooling I am getting? Yes it is terribly interesting, but is it making me a better person enough to the extent that experience would not be the better and wiser teacher? I want to do something. I want to start a coffee shop and play guitar and spread the gospel. I want to travel the world and spread the gospel through human interaction. I want to write... I want to influence people. I want to be where God sees me in 5 years. I want to pray and see mountains move. Is what I am doing right now accomplishing that? Sigh. Enough for now. I am in need of accomplishing some homework (see? its pulling me away from my uber influential blog time !!!). Alas, I must not waste the time I have. Entaro Adun. That was the greeting/farewell in a video game I once played haha.

Grace and Peace,

DPS

Thoughts by Way of Interruption

Ever notice how boring and stable the lives we see in movies tend to be before a huge event or catastrophe or other such event disrupts the serenity of their lives? Although sometimes the characters will admit they are searching for something more, too often, as is mirrored in our own lives, they are unaware of the stupor in which they are living. It is not as if they are willingly apathetic, rather they have been lulled into an unwitting, undesired apathy.

No, I was not the recipient of a stroke of unluck like having a plane falling into my house, or my finding out I have cancer, or being kidnapped by terrorists. I, however, get a D- on one of my finals that I thought I did fine on, which took me from an A or an A- to at most a B. That isn't the end of the world... but to me it feels like it. Let me explain.

I often set on written goals for myself. This semester it was to do will with the crazy load of classes I had, and try to keep my relationships positive through all that. Up until finals week I was pumped because I thought I pulled it though... then I got my grades for Pentateuch. Wow. That was a surprise. I emailed my prof just to make sure there wasn't a mistake, and evidently my essays were "insufficient." Isn't that I can't get a B or I lose some scholarship or something, I'm in no danger of that, but I felt as though it was a failure, a lack of success in fulfillment of my goals. It made me want to give up on doing well ever again. That might sound ridiculous, but it did manage to give my perspective a jolt.

Looking back on my life, I realize that I can really only focus well on one thing at once. This semester it was grades/finishing period. The question that remains: what will be my next goal? What did I fail to focus on this semester? Jesus. I did great over J-term. Spring term I did not. I have no obligation to have any goal other than Jesus. The other goals will fall into place. He needs to be my number one priority. I know how cliché that sounds, but it is true.

What are my new found goals stemming from the interruption of my previous goal-fulfillment (Freud would be so proud of that word choice)? 1) to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge 2) to be filled with all the fullness of God 3) to experience the real power at work within me which is able to accomplish more than all I can ask or imagine 4) to feel genuine joy 5) to have real mutual love pouring from my hearts to the hearts of others and back, and to God, and 5) that His kingdom would come, and His will be done.

If I can do any/all of that, then 1) getting into shape 2) passing college with acceptable grades 3) doing (occupationally) something fulfilling 4) finding someone to be fulfilled with... and so on, will be accomplished in time. Not my time, but his good time.

Enough for now.

Daniel Price